Don’t Worry, Guys: Pat Robertson’s Got Hurricane Florence Totally Under Control | News

Don’t Worry, Guys: Pat Robertson’s Got Hurricane Florence Totally Under Control


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  • National Hurricane Center
I mean, sure, you could listen to Governor Cooper or the National Hurricane Center or all of the TV meteorologists or even the corporeal tanning bed masquerading as president of the United States and start immediately preparing for the worst hurricane North Carolina has seen in at least two decades, one that will produce catastrophic rain, massive flooding, storm surges along the coasts, and quite possibly kill a few people before all is said and done …

Or you could listen to televangelist Pat Robertson, who’s got this shit under control

From Right Wing Watch, which watches videos like that so you don’t have to:
Televangelist Pat Robertson spoke at a special prayer service at his Christian Broadcasting Network today, ordering Hurricane Florence not to harm any of his facilities and to turn back out to sea.

Robertson claimed that when he first arrived in Virginia in 1961 to establish CBN, the region was threatened by Hurricane Esther, which he feared would destroy his fledgling network. As such, Robertson and his staff gathered in prayer and commanded the storm to shift course, which he claims miraculously happened because God stepped in to save CBN.

With another storm approaching, Robertson again gathered with CBN staff today to order Florence to veer away from land and produce no damage.

“I don’t want that thing to come in,” Robertson said. “I don’t want it to hurt Regent, I don’t wait it to hurt CBN, I don’t want it to tear up the beautiful campus, I don’t want it to tear these trees down, I don’t want to see any damage, I don’t want a bunch of glass flowing, and I don’t want [damage] all over this area that is counting on us to pray for them.”

Robertson then commanded Florence, in the name of Jesus, to change its path away from land and to spin off into the Atlantic ocean.

“We declare in the name of the Lord that you shall go no farther, you shall do no damage in this area,” he said. “We declare a shield of protection all over Tidewater and we declare a shield of protection over those innocent people in the path of this hurricane. In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!”
So far, Florence has not listened to Pat Robertson’s command. The latest update from the NWS still shows it on track to roger us pretty good this weekend. We appreciate the effort, though, Pat.

And well, if it works, we’ll see you in the pews on Sunday.  


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