Eleven Things Eddie Vedder Is Probably Doing Today | Music

Eleven Things Eddie Vedder Is Probably Doing Today

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On Monday, Pearl Jam announced it was canceling its stop at Raleigh's PNC Arena, which was supposed to be today, in protest of the state's HB 2.

Though Vedder spoke to the audience at the band's Monday night Virginia about the decision, he didn't want to talk to us. We're pretty sure it's because he's busy doing any number of these things during his day off.

Hand writing stuff.

—Finally getting around to that “How To Button a Shirt” YouTube tutorial.

—Reading angry transphobic commentary from Pearl Jam fans in the Rolling Stone comment section and wondering when and where, exactly, it all went so horribly wrong

—Doing what he always does on every 4/20, brah: pouring one out for the anniversary of Oliver Cromwell’s dissolution of the Rump Parliament in 1653.

Montage of Heck marathon!

—Typing out a thousand variations of “oh but when Springsteen does it, he’s a goddamn hero,” saving them all as drafts.

—Reenacting the Olivia d’Abo drunk language scene from Kicking and Screaming: “…You know, these little things that people have as pets called ‘dogs.’ Right? You know, ‘dogs.'” (Pause.) “‘Cantaloupe.’ We eat… ‘cantaloupe.' These—these things—these things that; that, that we take for granted—they’re just… they’re all so weird.” He replaces all nouns with “Stone. Gossard. Stone. Gossard.”

—Catching up on We Bare Bears while eating entire casserole dish of noodle kugel.

—Delicately dusting his Bernie Sanders porcelain statuette, softly kissing its shiny forehead before—with a low wistful sigh, like the breeze that would go through the willows out back when we were young—gently placing it on the tour bus shelf next to the one of Ralph Nader.

—Organizing his hair collection chronologically.

—Hoping no other Republican-controlled state legislatures sign anything hateful into law.


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