Oh, goody: On Friday, Raleigh's Dorton Arena will be awash in a sea of graying racist-chain-email enthusiasts and Duck Dynasty types with vague notions of the South rising again. No, it's not the Dixie Gun and Knife show; it's worse.
Congenital liar, quasi-fascist and professional hairpiece Donald Trump is coming to town. And just in time for Christmas.
Say it with us: Fuck off, Donald Trump.
The last time Trump was here, in June, he all but announced he would be running for president in 2016—we're still half-betting this is all grand performance art, a brilliant long-con commentary on the depressing state of American politics, in which case disregard everything below—while also accusing rivals Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio of "[making] asses of themselves." (True, but: pot, meet kettle.) And while making an ass of oneself in public is generally considered a political liability, being the biggest public ass of all the GOP presidential candidates—no small feat in a field that at peak clown car included Scott Walker and Bobby Jindal, and still counts Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina—has translated into dominance in the polls.
In the interceding months, the bewigged bloviator has made headlines week after week for his inflammatory statements and ridiculous "policy" ideas. Remember his feud with TV journalist Megyn Kelly, after she called him out for making disparaging statements about women? Remember when he called Mexican immigrants "rapists and criminals"? (Nearly 9 percent of North Carolina's population is Hispanic, BTW.) Remember when he said he wanted a registry to keep track of U.S. Muslims, or when he said he saw nonexistent video of New Jersey Muslims cheering 9/11, or when he posted dumb Instagram mashups of ISIS attacks and Obama laughing?
Of course you do, because that was last week.
This rally is sure to feature more of the same. And while we can't build a wall in Raleigh to keep out Trump and his supporters—although we'd love to—it's nonetheless gratifying to know that as much as he infuriates us, he aggravates and terrifies the GOP establishment even more. There's also the fact that, because we have some common sense, Raleigh's never going to vote for him anyway.
That should speak louder than even The Donald.
Reach the INDY's Triangulator team at firstname.lastname@example.org.
This article appeared in print with the headline "Welcome to Raleigh, Mr. Trump"