Considering it pits its heroine against a ravenous space alien whose man-eating orifice resembles a vagina dentata, you'd be forgiven for believing The Thing
actually contains a thing or two to think about. Or at the very least, something to differentiate itself from John Carpenter's 1982 The Thing
. The 1982 movie, made during the height of Carpenter's career, benefited from the director's then-deft suspenseful touch, a terrific cast, Ennio Morricone's score and Rob Bottin's cringe-inducing makeup effects. This pointless new film, purportedly a prequel, features direction by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. that's as cold as its Antarctic setting, as well as unremarkable actors and a soundtrack that's forgettable except when it incorporates Morricone's pulsating bass chords. Moreover, gooey prosthetics are replaced by computer effects that, while competent, lack any tactile ickiness.