This erstwhile video game gets refracted onto the silver screen through the prism of a monkey's typewriter. A brawny but miscast Jake Gyllenhaal plays adopted Persian Prince Dastan, who is framed for murdering his regal father using a poisonous prayer robe (you know, that old trick...). Despite lots of lazy allusions to a quixotic hunt for WMDs, rendition, and Tea Party-level protestations against tax-and-spend government, this mindless light-and-sound show is nothing more than Jerry Bruckheimer's Disneyfied Iraq War apology. By the time the climax arrives inside a cave filled with golden light, you will feel like you've been teleported back to the final season of Lost
. In a bad way.