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Lose 30 pounds in 30 days

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I am driven by the same goal in life as most people, to write a celebrity diet book.

However, my culinary standards are low. I tend to munch on sunset servings of lunch-box-du-jour, pizza froid in the morning and a bag of honey roasted peanuts every time I fill up the gas tank.

It's been a good meal if I can sit down, the phone doesn't ring for five minutes, I'm not in a car, and someone asks someone else in a curious, heartfelt, civil tone, "So, how was your day?" It's been a meal to remember if someone else answers in a similar tone.

That's why I received some outside help on my book, tentatively titled, The Dry Dog Food Diet.

In our manic, multi-tasking world, I know it will be popular. You get to eat fast, either standing, sitting or lying down. It's a one bowl meal, no clean up required. A wide variety of snacking is permitted, but desserts are rare.

The induction phase is a bit of a challenge, though. Getting used to skipping a midday meal and substituting water for coffee. Also, no one makes conversation, even small talk during chow time. Eat first, quickly, then catch up on things.

On The Dry Dog Food Diet, you'll feel like running around a lot. There's no picking at food or wondering what else might have been on the menu. No counting calories and carbohydrates. It's just: Eat and go.

Shopping is easy. It's all there on that one aisle in the grocery store; look for the big, bright colored bags, closest to the floor. Stay away from the treats.

Beware of the usual cravings, the biggest of which this time of year is simply to be let inside for the night.

Look for my next book, The New Dry Dog Food Diet Revolution, due out this time next year. Expect recipes and testimonials.

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