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... about Dole's opponent



You said Brad Miller was going to run against Elizabeth Dole and he's not. What now?

Zork, I never said Miller was running. I said he'd taken so long deciding, he must be working on his official announcement. So sue me. (But interplanetary aliens have no rights in a North Carolina court.) Anyway, I know it looks like the Democrats have no candidates whatsoever, and it's too late to find one, but au contraire. I have the perfect candidate, and Zork, maybe you can help me contact him. It's Clay Aiken! American Idol (almost) and fighter for handicapped children. He's polite, moms love him—especially the crucial Republican moms swing vote—and the only people who don't like him are snobby liberals who'll vote for him anyway over Liddy D. And the best part is, if he's in the Senate, he can sing at the State Fair every year and we won't have to pay him. Put it this way: The Democrats got nobody else.

P.S. He's only 28, but he'll be 30 on Nov. 23, 2008—just in time to be sworn in!

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